"How lovely is your dwelling place O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh cry out for the living God." Psalm 84: 1-2 ~Selah~
I turned 50 this year. Yep, sure did. Can't even believe it. Time just seems to move right along. I embrace this birthday, this number, this season in my life, with open arms. I am truly blessed! I love being the wife of my favorite Pastor and best friend for 33 years now. I have 3 amazing Sons and 3 beautiful daughter-in-laws of whom ALL love the Lord! One of my favorite titles that I proudly carry is, "NANA!" You got it.....4...quatro....incredibly awesome, wonderful grand babies! I love my entire family both far and near. The most important title that I proudly proclaim, is "I AM A DAUGHTER OF GOD...he's my DAD, my ABBA FATHER!" That, alone brings me great peace, contentment, joy, and assurance. I often reflect on King David's cry out to God, "Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family that You have brought us THIS FAR?" Thank you Daddy...you are SO GOOD!
~Selah~
April 9, 2012- A much needed, over-due visit to my doctor for yearly check up. This day began a new twist, turn and a crossroads in my life. After a 'quick' appointment turns into a 4 hour appointment filled with exams, mammograms, blood tests, ultrasounds, conversations and consultations....that led me to return soon after for a biopsy in my left breast. Another lump...really? You see, these are all new doctors that have just met me....since we moved here, all my other doctors in St. Louis know me, they know my body, they know my breasts. They wouldn't be alarmed....they know I'm always showing 'suspicious' lumps and bumps and things that don't belong there. That's just me, how I'm made up, who I am...you know, my baseline. They don't know me here yet... I'll just go with it, do what they ask, go through the motions....and then they will see, everything will be fine. No problems. After this first appointment with all of them, we will have a new baseline, and future appointments will not be so 'suspicious', they will now know it's just my 'norm.'
~Selah~
Returned for biopsy....which by the way, was completely different from 15 years ago when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Needle biopsy with a local anesthetic and a band aid, right in the office! Progression...that's fantastic.
After the ultrasound was completed, the doctor tells me to go ahead and schedule an appointment on my way out, to see the surgeon. She told me right up front, "this looks ugly, I don't like the looks of it, and I'm very concerned." Shoot it to me straight....that's what I like. Really, I do. The entire time she was talking to me, I just kept thinking...you are so young, I could be your mother....they must be so proud of you...wait, what did you say? You're concerned? Ok...then what do I need to do? Can you repeat that?
~Selah~
So....that's what I did. I scheduled the appointment with the surgeon. Not sure why I needed a surgeon, I know I'll need to cancel that appointment, because the biopsy will confirm what I've been thinking all along....this is benign, and its just her 'lumpiness'....is that a word? I submit that it is.
Biopsy came back 'infiltrating ductal carcinoma' ....I've heard that before. 15 years ago, I've never forgotten that 'title.' Same thing....cancer....again. It seems my tumors like to be fed off of estrogen..hormones. Dang hormones. Guess I'll be seeing that surgeon after all. I can do this....yes I can. My surgeon was really sweet....her name is Tammy. I like that name. She spent a lot of time with Dave and I, and explained things very clear and simple. It looks as though a double mastectomy is in the near future plans for me. Since I've had radiation before, and cannot have it a second time..that is the recommended treatment.
~Selah~
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